


please keep on holding my hands

by IWillNotBeSilenced



Series: nothing like the rain [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Comfort, M/M, Major Illness Warning, Mashton, Support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:52:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5171909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWillNotBeSilenced/pseuds/IWillNotBeSilenced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn’t remember if he had taken hold of Ash’s hand in the first place, or if it had been the other way around. Couldn’t hear the doctor’s voice or the forcedly soothing words of the nurse as she explained what all this meant for him. Only Ashton’s low murmur pierced through the haze. ‘It’s okay Mikey. You’re okay. We’re okay. I’m not going anywhere.’</p>
            </blockquote>





	please keep on holding my hands

Michael always wondered why no one had ever tried to make hospitals more cheerful places. A colour on the walls that wasn’t sterile white and chairs that didn’t call to mind memories of classroom seating would be a nice start. It might make the more traumatic visits that much easier to bear. As it was, Michael’s eyes flicked up and down the corridor, waiting for someone to open a door and call him inside, his left knee bouncing relentlessly, which he knew would annoy Ashton on any other day, prompting him to press a hand to Michael’s leg, shushing him. Today though, Ash stared tensely ahead of him, hands clenching and unclenching, turning to Michael every so often when the younger boy was looking the other way, his forehead creasing slightly.  
A door to the right of the corridor opened and a woman stepped out with the kind of smile that had clearly had practice at calming people. ‘Michael Clifford.’  
Michael stood up and patted Ashton’s shoulder, prompting him to stand and follow Michael into the room.  
…  
For the last three years, Michael could attribute everything momentous in his life to Ashton. Ash was there through everything, good and bad, minor and major. So it seemed right, somehow, that he would be sitting next to him as Mikey’s whole world, his whole life, collapsed around him like shattered glass. It was as if the house that he had built around himself, around his life, full of carefully sectioned areas for his family, friends, band and everything in between had suddenly fallen in on him with no sound at all.  
‘Lung cancer.’  
The kind most often developed in children. Mikey felt like a child as he clutched Ash’s hand, both of them squeezing until their knuckles turned white. He was vaguely aware of the hushed sounds of other people’s voices as they went about their business right outside, but all he could feel was the sharp sting of Ash’s nails digging into the back of his hand. He couldn’t remember if he had taken hold of Ash’s hand in the first place, or if it had been the other way around. Couldn’t hear the doctor’s voice or the forcedly soothing words of the nurse as she explained what all this meant for him. Only Ashton’s low murmur pierced through the haze. ‘It’s okay Mikey. You’re okay. We’re okay. I’m not going anywhere.’   
Michael let Ash pull his head down onto the shoulder and tangle his fingers in his hair, screwing his eyes shut against the torrent raging around them.  
…  
They left the hospital, crossing the parking lot together and heading to Ashton’s car. Ashton kept his arm around Michael’s waist, pressing them closer together as if they might fall apart if left to stand on their own. Michael was endlessly grateful that he’d agreed to let Ash drive him; it meant he was free to stare at his hands for the majority of the journey.  
They were ten minutes from the lot where they’d parked the bus for the weekend, when Ash swung into a side road and pulled up alongside the curb. He pulled up the hand brake and unclipped his seatbelt, turning to Michael.   
‘Mike.’  
‘Yeah.’ Michael couldn’t look away from the tattoos on his fingers.  
‘Mike, look at me.’ Ashton’s voice didn’t break. He wouldn’t let himself show any weakness in front of Michael for fear of neither of them having the strength to pick up the pieces. But something about his quiet request had Michael meeting his eyes. ‘Please.’   
‘Ash, I-.’  
‘Mike, stop. Just, shut up a sec, yeah? Don’t you dare apologise for this. I know where this is going, and it’s not your fault. We’ll cancel some shows, we can wait. We’ll get you back on your feet, okay?’  
‘Ash, you say ‘we’ like you can stop it.’  
‘Maybe I can’t, Mike. But you can bet your sorry ass I’m going to be there every step of the way.’  
Michael nodded. Once, to let Ashton know he understood. Ash put the car in drive and took hold of Michael’s hand and they drove back to the bus in silence.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Again, any comments you have are always welcome :)  
> follow me on tumblr - peachmuke  
> and on twitter - bitch_mikeys


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